Passerby

"Here Comes a Thought"

I feel like sometimes LIFE is not worth living, everyone has thoughts like this. Thoughts like jumping off a cliff or diving into a car, these thoughts run through my head at least a couple times a week. Then I stop, I breathe, I call my mom, she then goes onto to say "Think of the things that make you happy, think of things in this world that make you happy." I have been thinking about what makes me happy as often as thoughts of why I'm depressed are harvesting within me.

What makes you happy?

Things in this world that make me happy...

• My Daughter

• Being Alive
• Being Me
• Having a Great Family
• Doing Great in School

Life is not easy for me and no one really has it easy, however, I do things that make me feel accomplished, I feel accomplished. This is why my life is worth living.

p.s. that is not an actual picture of my canine daughter, but she looks like the above pic.

Day..... 2

WEEK 1

Wk	Mon	Tues	Weds	Thurs	Fri	Sat	Sun
1	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Walk Walk easy 30 min	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Walk Walk easy 30 min	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Rest

     So, after I got off work yesterday at 9:30 p.m., I went to work out because I want to Cosplay next year as a Ghoul. My workout started amazingly easy, but then when I got to the 5th repetition, I got extremely tired. This workout must be finished, it is an 8-week challenge that I will complete, I have mentioned many times I was going to start and finish it, but eventually, I would just stop or give up on it because of life. Though, this time, I can't, the world will watch me finish! Today is Tuesday, which requires me to walk 30 minutes, I shall accomplish this by walking with my daughter. The day I'm looking forward to is rest day. This routine is tiresome, especially how I do it. Instead of running a nice jog, I have been running to my limits, and the walk is to my limit. I feel extremely fat all the time, and I'm always tired, no matter what I do, I will be tired. Everytime I'm out and about I get extremely tired, I have been napping multiple times throughout my day and I believe it's because I'm overweight. 

    To look amazing is the ghoul! I will accomplish this, if it is the last thing I do!

Story Of My Life

I messed up the running challenge so I started all over again. I have still been getting As on my tests in medical terminology. Recently my ex messaged me, and I messaged back and we continued to talk.Once again we hanged out and chatted, messed around. Just yesterday he didn't message me after I told him to, and of course I stalked his fb and the girl who originally broke up our relationship. 

He's still liking her pictures. I have to force myself to move on again, I just really hoped he was going to try to work things out and get back with me. But no. He still has me blocked on pretty much every single social media thing. Recently he told me he went out with coworkers for dinner. I'm 100% sure he was lying. So here I am again, trying to move on, trying to get away, trying to get in my groove again, the same groove I was in before he messaged me. 

It fucken sucks.

Running: Day 1

     So, today I started the 8-week running challenge, I'm tired. The challenge consists of intervals of running and walking. Today was the very first week, starting Monday, I ran 1 minute as fast as I could, then walked for 2 minutes. On the treadmill my running speed started at 5.0 then escalated to 7.0. As for my walking, that started at 3.0 and ended at 3.5.

     While I first started running a lot of thoughts crossed my mind, like my emotionally abusive relationship, luckily into the running those thoughts stopped. The stress from thinking about my fast paced summer classes just ran away with every interval I did. It is truly an amazing feeling. Below is the program in which I'm following for this week, also attached is the link.

Wk	Mon	Tues	Weds	Thurs	Fri	Sat	Sun
1	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Walk Walk easy 30 min	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Walk Walk easy 30 min	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Run & Walk Run 1 min Walk 2 min Repeat 10X	Rest

→ http://www.runnersworld.com/getting-started/the-8-week-beginners-program←

     Tomorrow will be my easy walking day, honestly though this first day is already got me feeling the tiredness and the dreadfulness because I am out of shape and haven't worked out in awhile. Looking forward to keeping everyone updated on my progress and how I'm feeling. Deep down, I know running will have me feeling amazing soon enough, it's all a matter of staying in the challenge and not giving up. Posts on this challenge will be on every day I run. Still debating whether to show before and after pictures. Comment if you would be interested on seeing before and after, also if you are participating on this challenge. Support is HIGHLY APPRECIATED.

Finale

Edit- If you would like to know how I'm feeling listen to Training Wheels and Teddy Bear by Melanie Martinez. Also you can just click this link →https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpqhajRtmBzGiE1sITsWe4Q←

Today was a very emotional morning because earlier this day I stayed up chatting with a friend until 2 a.m. We chatted about memories, good memories, then I got super depressed because I started missing the chats with my emotionally abusive boyfriend.

These emotions are literally horrible, it's like you're leaving a chunk of you behind to only have it tugging at you constantly, never truly letting you go or you getting away from it. Reading other blogs helped me, because I saw other people who are going through or went through what I am. The best advice the blogs had to offer are::

1. Delete all memories ie. pictures, texts
2. Hide all belongings in which they gave to you
3. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, CALL OR TEXT THE EX
4. Remember you

Going through relationships is strongly like losing a loved one to death.One moment you're chatting fine, next minute you're arguing and within seconds or days they're completely gone from your life, but never forgotten. 

I have accomplished the first and third step, I find it extremely difficult not to think of him when I'm wearing my Nikes; he bought my first ever pair. I was also wearing his shirt to bed last night, so that didn't help my coping.

Step 2 starts tomorrow, step 4 is going to take awhile, however I believe my 8-week running challenge starting this Monday will speed things up.

Until tomorrow, goodnight.

First week done..

First week done. Now I'm on to the second one. I was super mad and stressed today, I just could barely deal with work. I don't know why I was in such a horrible mood today, well more like I know, but I don't want to talk about.

Anyways I finished the first week accordingly. There's only 7 more weeks to go, if I, no strike that "Once I" finish the weeks I'm hoping to lost at least 5lbs, that's literally all I am trying to accomplish. Once the 7 weeks are done then I'll probably make the challenge to how many miles I can do and so on.

As for right now though, finishing this week is the main goal! Luckily, I have a workout partner, but she cheats and stays in one spot till I make the lap around and meet back with her. In other words, she's not the best workout buddie, but I still love her!

This working out has been going great and my bodies already craving more run time. When I'm running I just forget about the world, when running nothing else matters other than my daughter Berry who I have to keep an eye on when I'm running, but other than that, when I run it's just me. When I used to run in high school I never felt this way about running, but now that I'm older and stressed the heck out, running is the best thing I can think of.

This second week is most likely going to be the make me or break me week. Usually on the second weeks I give up, this time I'm not though, I am in this for the long haul. I won't let anything or anyone stop me from accomplishing this challenge. Anyways, I'll keep posting and telling about my journey to find myself and obtaining my Sexy Me body. Stay tuned...

Amazing

This morning I woke up at 7.30 am to get ready for work. At 8 am I got out of bed, after rubbing Berrys belly. At 8.30 am I finished my nails with the rubbing alcohol and newspaper method. At 9 am I was dressed and out of the house with chocolate covered almonds and a water bottle topped with ice cubes. At 9.05 am I was on the bus riding to work. I arrived to work at around 9.40 am, which led me to clock in at 9.45 am.

I worked a total of 4hrs today and since it is Wednesday it was super slow. After work I got a ride home with my mom and Berry. When I arrived home I relaxed for an hour and napped for an hour... with Berry of course.

My mom had left so it was just me and Berry when I had woke up. Since I started the 8-week runner challenge I knew I had to force myself to run. It wasn't hard to go out and run, I been literally looking forward to it all day! The only problem I faced was whether to take Berry out with me or not. She was still sleeping so I decided to just get dressed and head out, but once I was dressed and putting on my running shoes Berry appeared ready to go. So, as a good mother I am, I took her with me. I jumped a fence into an elementary school and Berry walked through the crack of it.

When I started running it was amazing! Berry even ran with me, unfortunately she couldn't keep up because my family and I have been giving her donuts and twinkies lately. Look- many people feel canines shouldn't eat human food, but I found happier people live longer, so my little person <my daughter> will continue to eat whatever makes her happy. Except poisonous foods, she's not allowed to eat things that will kill her. Back to my running story... it was AMAZING! I just couldn't believe I kept it up and I did the whole challenge without fail.

After Berry and I had finished our challenge, we stretched in the grass and watched the clouds. It was very peaceful and amazing. When we arrived home I massaged her little muscles so hopefully she doesn't get sore in the morning. It was just an amazing day and so far I AM LOVING IT! I will definitely keep this up and keep posting about my experience. I'm trying to find myself again, and so far it's coming out well, especially now that I found out Berry is my new workout partner. Stay tuned...

Sexy Me <3

First post of Sexy Me! <3

So, I recently got into an argument with my now ex boyfriend. It led to an unfortunate but fortunate break up. The man I recently dated took away pieces of me, he really changed me in good and bad ways. The love is still there for him and I would definitely go back if he actually started putting in more effort like he did in the beginning, but I don't see that happening. So, in the meantime I'm doing me... Sexy ME!

Sexy me is the name I gave to my workout playlist on my phone. The playlist consists of motivational woman songs sung by woman. When looking for motivational music I searched for playlists on YouTube, however I feel my playlist is better than the ones composed on YouTube, but that's my opinion. Why the songs are just women singing: that I don't know. There weren't any women empowering songs for woman sung by men, that I can find. However, if you find or found any let me know please.

Sexy me was created after the breakup, see what led to my breakup was stress and anxiety. School has left me so stressed I just couldn't handle my emotions anymore. Well school, and the fact that I'm taking the depo-shot for my skin hormonal condition. This depo-shot isn't working for me, I'm breaking out and having mood swings like no other. Next month I will start back on birth control pills, the pills actually cleared up allot of my acne.

So, back to sexy me. Sexy me is the beginning of a 8-week beginner running program that you can find online or at runnersworld.com. I started the program on Monday which is the day I was determined to go for a run. I will continue the program for the whole duration, and I will be blogging my progress and how I feel after the workout as an inspiration for everyone or anyone who ever reads this to work out. Working out is the most effective stress reliever that us humans have and known. Currently, I am considered obese, so losing weight is a goal but my real goal is to relieve stress and tackle my anxiety.

So, I will keep posting about this challenge and how it's going for me throughout this week. I am determined to keep on track, I bought my running shoes and running earbuds so I can stay motivated. Stay tuned...